Unlearning

by Cathartic Conundrum

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03:28
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03:42

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released April 1, 2019

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Cathartic Conundrum Boston, Massachusetts

Cathartic Conundrum is a trio influenced by Latin rhythms, classical music, jazz harmony, poetic whimsy and surreality. Comprised of saxophone (Jesse Colford), percussion (Nicholas Samuel), piano, ukulele, and voice (Anaís Azul), use this diverse array of timbres, vivid imagery and lyrics (Spanish and English) to tell stories about mental health, queerness, existentialism, politics, and emotions. ... more

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Track Name: Paz
Si yo
Tuviera una cometa
Yo cometería el error
De soltarla al viento

Si yo
Tuviera un amuleto
Yo cometería el error
De perderlo

Si yo
Tuviera dinero
Yo cometería el error
De gastarlo todo

Y contemplando mis errores
Hipotéticos temblores
Sigo en mis espirales
Perpetuando malestares

Quiero algo positivo
Algo que tenga sentido
Ya estoy harta de mis huecos
Y de andar como un ekeko

Quiero…

Paz, Paz, Paz…
Y respirar, y respirar…
(×2)

Si yo
Yo tuviera alas
No cometería el error
De quedarme en mi sala
Si yo
Yo tengo sonrisas
Y no cometeré el error
De soltarlas en la brisa

Si yo
Yo tengo amor
Y no cometeré el error
De convertirlo en vapor

Y contemplando mis errores
Hipotéticos temblores
Sigo en mis espirales
Perpetuando malestares

Quiero algo positivo
Algo que tenga sentido
Ya estoy harta de mis huecos
Y de andar como un ekeko

Quiero…

Paz, Paz, Paz…
Y respirar, y respirar…
(×4)

Words and music by Anaís Azul © 2019
Track Name: Decisions
She held my hand in a record store
Tilted her sweet smile and swore
That we’d listen to tunes for many many hours
Just she and I for hours

Then

I wrote her a letter from several towns away
Just to spill out words that would say
“I’m really intense, are you sure that you want this?
...I’m not sure that I want this…”

But since then she told me “Don’t be a fool! You just have a heart so full...I didn’t know”
Since then we’d been more than friends
Guess rules really do bend
When you’re curious enough

Decisions make me say
That I just wanna sway
Decisions make me pray…
That I will be okay
That I won’t run away
That I will wanna stay.

Before her I’d met someone
Whom i’d never think to shun
We met only once and wanted to get coffee
But i was no longer free

Yet

We stargazed I told them that my life was one big maze
I had this surprise I wanted to unravel, that slowly has unraveled
But since then we’ve seen the moon full again
We’ve seen that we’re fools when we are side by side
Since then I’ve been mother hen
trying to see the end
of what my choices cause...

Decisions make me say
That I just wanna sway
Decisions make me pray
(and I don’t even pray)
That I will be okay
That I won’t run away
That I will wanna stay.

OOooooohs

(((I don’t know)))

Even though stories end
Friendships tend to transcend
Romances come and go
Even then you will grow
Find the past in the now
And you will wonder how
That was once so mundane
How it caused so much pain

Decisions make me say...
Decisions make me pray…
That I will be okay
That I won’t run away
That I will wanna stay

Music and Lyrics by Anaís Azul © 2019
Track Name: Day Off ft. Mick Beth
Paying bills
Does not fulfill
The emptiness
Inside your chest

Take out loans
That turn to moans
And groans of pain
That lead to shame

I work hard all fucking day
Waiting until it's time to get paid
Get paid

So silently I pave my path
Cuz I know it's meant to last
I will be a great success
But right now I'm a mess

I wanna day off...

Everybody is in debt
And you've already broken sweat
Sacrificing family
Sacrificing sanity

I know I'm not the only one
that wishes I could just have fun
have fun

Till then silently I pave my path
Cuz I know it's meant to last
I will be a great success
But right now I'm a mess
I wanna day off...

Working 9 to 5
Working 9 to die
From
Dusk till dawn I'm always on
I fall asleep to the sound of my beating heart
And it's easier to quit than it is to start
Like a shark it's swim or drown
I work hard all fucking day
I think it's time I took a break

I wanna day off...

Music and Lyrics by Anaís Azul and Mick Beth © 2019
Track Name: Reality Check
Reality Check

Melodica
Why’d you take my melodica?!
Just an excuse to talk to ya
To you…
Or should I say uku-lately…
I’ve been thinking about
The way we laid beneath the stars without a doubt
And how it’s now become a lie that makes me wanna shout
That makes me wanna shout

We only had one date
And i was hoping it was fate
I guess that I’d forgotten nothing’s written in stone

Yet I long for second chances
and dream of far romances
Cuz all i ever wanted was your sweet warm hug…

And life is simple
You bust a pimple
And you
Leave a scar
Cuz life is hard!

Contradictions
They line the fictions
I’ve made in my mind
I’ve made up in time…

When I pretended I wasn’t waiting…
I pretended I wasn’t waiting for you

Instagram
How instantly my heart of 21 grams
Climbed out of the box in which it had been crammed
And danced around in circles like a happy clam

Oh the photograph
Your caption of her silhouette sure made me laugh
I'm sure that she’s a lovely girl and that you had a blast
But all that I can say is “I don’t know if love lasts”

Cuz times are always changing
now my breathing’s rearranging
The picture that you posted was a big exhale
(((exhale)))
Well it made me notice
that my love is like a lotus
Though it’s floating in the water it has got strong roots.

And life is simple
You bust a pimple
And you
Leave a scar
Cuz life is hard!

Contradictions
They line the fictions
I’ve made in my mind
I’ve made up in time…

When I pretended I wasn’t waiting…
I pretended I wasn’t waiting for you
When I pretended I wasn’t waiting…
I pretended I wasn’t waiting for you

Music and Lyrics by Anaís Azul © 2019
Track Name: True to Me
I wanna be true to me
I wanna grow tall like a tree
I wanna be true to me
I wanna grow strong roots like a tree

I wanna be, wanna be
True to me, true to me
I wanna be, true to me
Like a tree with the roots in the ground
I have found that's the best way to be
With my two feet planted right below me
Nurtured and constantly growing

I wanna be (x2)
True to me (x2)
I wanna grow(x2)
Roots like trees
Strong as trees

I wanna be true to me
I wanna learn how to stand on my own two feet
Even if I fall, I know I’ll fall free
That’s all I’ll ever want, that’s all I’ll ever be

True to me true to you, too
True to the world, let’s start anew
I’ve searched far and wide, I’ve searched high and low
Now I’m ready to fly, so please let me goooooooo

I wanna be(x2)
true to me (x2)
I wanna grow (x2)
Tall as a sequoia tree
Strong as a redwood tree
Tall as the Andes that I came from
Strong and free

I wanna be (x2)
True to me (x2)
I wanna grow(x2)
Roots like trees
Strong as trees

I wanna be true to meeeee
I wanna grow roots
deep like them trees
I wanna be a tree
That is my dream.

But there is a beauty in having two feet
And having roots that follow heartbeats

But there is a beauty in having two feet
And having roots that follow heartbeats

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